Title: Contrast Author: lawboysam Rating/Warnings: NC-17 Pairing: Sam Winchester/Eric Northman Summary: Sam decides to tease Eric with touch only - no sound, no sight, and gets an interesting response.
I don’t know what to think now. There have always been jokes, taunts, jibes. But I honestly didn’t know that there was more to it… So much more.
Wait, I should explain. I mean, Dean…
I guess I pay attention to things, too much sometimes. Because I can’t shake this. Not this time… I remember. Words… Things people say. It’s important for the job. And it’s a habit I’ve picked up.
I remember Dean’s words most of all. His voice is pretty much the soundtrack to my life. But I guess the tune has changed. I know now. We’re broken.
“You sent me to hell and you think I don’t resent you for it!? Every night I go to bed that’s the last thing I think of, I have nightmares all goddamn night, and you know what the first thing I think of is when I wake up. You killed me. You ripped open my chest and sent me back to Hell.”
“I look at you and think, fuck would I love to beat that stupid smile off your face, wouldn’t I love to make you hate yourself as much as I hate myself.
After I begged him to run… When he slid the knife in, twisting it… Lies.
“It’ll all be okay. Everything we’ll be okay… You’ll be okay… You’ll be alright. I promise. You’ll be alright…”
“Shhh, you’re alright…”
“It’ll all be better when you wake up… You’ll see… I promise.”
I thought that he would have known. Would have at least seen that I wasn’t thinking straight. And my words were skewed. Those are the ones he believed. I see it now though. I see why those words are the ones he’d latch onto… Because that’s who he truly thinks I am.
“You’re the waste of fucking space. I wish I never made that fucking deal!”
“It’s always been your fucking fault! Ever since the day you were born.. I was wrong, I’m not the cursed one, you are. You cursed me!”
It’s not the first time. Monster, freak, evil... He’s pretty much said them all at some point. I just always though he could see… Well… Me?
Not the demon blood, not the damn vessel bullshit. Just me. It’s not like I had a choice when it started - Azazel’s ‘gift’. But the rest… I honestly did try. I wanted to make things better… not worse. I never wanted us to end up like this. I wonder when things changed though? When I left for Stanford? Or when dad told him what I am… What he might have to… Hm. Was it later? When I came back… Wrong?
Now I’m bound to a deal to save his soul, and I wouldn’t change it. He’s my brother, no matter what. I would do anything for him. But I guess things won’t go back to how they were.
I remember laughing at him… With him… The stupid pranks. The god awful music. But I sang along to it anyway, because it made him smile… Made me smile too. The crappy diners, the endless slices of pie, the shitty motel rooms. It was easier… Just hunting, before we knew about all of this. Before it all went so wrong.
I don’t know how to fix it. Don’t know if it can be fixed.
I guess the best thing is to just keep my distance.
There was pain, unbelievable pain, voices yelling, not Michael this time… Lucifer, screaming, raging at something, someone… And for once it wasn’t Sam or Michael. The new voice was familiar… He knew it, from what seemed a long, long time ago.
(Wait… this has already happened? I know this? It’s not the future? Then what—?)
Warm hands, gripping tightly, securely. Ripping the chains away, out… Too much blood, more pain… The new voice again, calling his name. Cas? Castiel is here? A sensation of movement, of being lifted. He couldn’t see. There was blood in his eyes and he knew there were tears. Another movement and the chains were gone… and… tearing, something being wrenched away, he tried to speak, to scream, but he had no voice, no mouth, no physical form. His body was gone.
“Wait!!! Please! Wait! Cas!? I’m still here… Don’t leave… Please!? PLEASE!?” No sound, just thought, the angel couldn’t hear him.
He heard the beat of wings and he knew Castiel was gone.
There was nothing now but sense and sound and light. If he had eyes he thought he might have gone blind. Then the chains again, blotting out everything, ice cold and biting, not through flesh and bone, but at his very core, shredding and tearing; so much easier now that there was no form to stop them. He would die. He knew now that it was possible to die in the cage. His… soul… Would be torn apart… Quick and easy and it would be over. For good.
A scream of rage and frustration. Not from Sam, but from… Lucifer? Something was pulling, ripping the chains away, hands, cold but gentle, shielding and protecting. He heard the archangel scream, knew the chains were punishing Lucifer for pulling Sam away, but still there was the firm hold, soft voice whispering. Something huge and the light was gone… Wings? Wings and hands and the voice. “You’re safe. You’re mine. I will keep you safe, I promise. It was always you. Sam… I’m sorry.”
He was held, safe and protected while the chains tore through the archangel and not once did Lucifer let go.
It might have been forever, it might have been moments. There was no sense of time anymore. Another voice. More movement, and Lucifer was gone.
“Now, Sam, I’m gonna put up a barrier inside your mind.”
“No, don’t touch me.”
“It might feel a little…Itchy. Do me a favor —don’t scratch the wall. trust me — you’re not gonna like what happens.”
“Please. Don’t do this.”
He tried desperately to hold onto the memory, Lucifer had saved him… saved his soul… And now he was gone and…
Sam opened his eyes and heard screaming, his own voice now… felt… everything. Saw, Death? Dean… Bobby.
Blinking up at the fan, spinning slowly in the panic room he felt a weird sense of loss. Felt the wall in place… Something was missing… Someone? And he couldn’t remember who.
“Uhh….” Sam tasted blood in his mouth as he opened his eyes, knew his nose was bleeding, waited a moment for the headache to fade. He looked at Dean, mouth open and panting hard, breath clouding in the freezing air. He remembered. It… Made sense now… ”He saved me…” he said quietly. ”Lucifer…”